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A woman spends an average of 2 years of her life time looking at herself in the mirror; a man spends 6 months

TIME is our most precious resource, but few of us really know where it all goes.
Average British man, who lives to the age of 76, and a woman, with a life expectancy of 81

EXERCISING
Women – one year: All those hours working up a sweat in the gym or at PE in school takes up a full 12 months of a woman’s life.
Men – two years: Playing football, rugby and pool clocks up two years of a man’s existence.
SHOPPING
Women – two years: Nationally, women spend an average of 22 minutes a day shopping. That’s 651 days in the average lifetime, says Visa and the Future Foundation market research think tank. And surprise, surprise – it’s much more than the men.
Men – one year:  The survey doesn’t say how much of men’s time in stores – an average of 370 days – is spent being dragged around by women.
GETTING READY
Women – two years: Working women take an average 90 minutes to get ready. That’s made up of 10 minutes showering, 30 minutes applying make-up, 24 minutes doing their hair and 26 minutes deciding what to wear and getting dressed. The research was by lastminute.com
Men – six months: A quick shower, shave and slick of hair gel takes 11 minutes: five minutes in the shower, two minutes shaving, one minute on their hair and three minutes getting dressed. That rises to 32 minutes when a bloke prepares for a night out or a date.
HOUSEHOLD CHORES
Women – two and a half years: Dusting, vacuuming and washing the dishes seriously eats into a woman’s time. She spends 12 days a year, or five and a half hours a week, in the domestic doldrums, according to broadband supplier Bulldog.
Men – 18 months: Shocked that men spend so much less time doing household chores than women? No, neither were we.
COOKING
Women – three years: Hard-working women spend 19 days every year slaving over a hot stove, says oven firm Stoves.
Men – one and a half years: Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay aside, most British men prefer the ping of a microwave to spending hours delicately preparing dinner. They are in the kitchen for around 514 days throughout their lives.
DRIVING
Women – three years: Commuting, ferrying the children around and driving on family holidays adds up to 20 hours a week behind the wheel.
Men – three years: Men clock up just as much time behind the wheel, says Lloyds TSB Insurance.
WATCHING TV
Women – 13 years: According to a poll of 30,000 people by NOP World, women spend 18 hours a week glued to the box.
OK, so Desperate Housewives and Corrie are addictive – but just think how else you could spend all that time.
Men – 10 years: The average bloke spends less time watching soaps and more time watching sport. But women have hold of the remote control more often.
QUEUING
Women – four years: Standing in line at the lottery kiosk, bus stop, supermarket or post office seems like a major waste of time – and is. The average adult spends 68 minutes a day standing in a queue.
Men – four years: A larger chunk of men’s queuing time is spent standing in line at the bar – as much as 11 months for the average bloke.
EATING
Women – four and a half years: Time spent sitting down at the table to eat is fast diminishing as many busy women eat on the go.
Men – four years: Long lunches and scoffing snacks eats up a long time in a man’s life.
INTERNET USE
Women – four and a half years: The amount of time spent surfing the net is increasing steadily each year, and now women spend an average of 11 hours a week online.
Men – six years: Checking up on sport and emailing mates seems to be a big hobby for men. They have even grown fond of online shopping. Well, it saves time in stores, doesn’t it?
ON THE PHONE
Women – five and a half years: Over a lifetime we will make or receive 283,126 calls – 155,928 work-related and 127,198 domestic phone chats.
Men – four years: It may come as no surprise that women spend 18 months longer than men nattering on the phone.
WORKING
Women – eight and a half years: Working between the ages of 16 and 60, and taking time off to raise children and at weekends and holidays, clocks up a whole lot of hard labour for women.
Men – 10 and a half years: Slaving away at work from the age of 16 to 65 notches up more than a decade of the average busy man’s life.
SLEEPING
Women – 27 years: Eight hours’ sleep a night may sound luxurious. But according to a survey by bed makers Silentnight that’s how long most women spend dozing when the endless hours spent sleeping as a child and the amount of shut-eye you take through adulthood is averaged. Five years of this time is spent dreaming.
Men – 25 and a half years: Women may not believe that men spend less time in the pit, but in reality it has more to do with their shorter life expectancy than with laziness.
GOING TO THE TOILET
Women – six months: It’s a quick in and out of the lav for ladies. Few spend any time reading magazines in the bathroom.
Men – three years: Spending an amazing 40 minutes a day on the loo certainly clocks up over a lifetime, chaps.

5 Most Dangerous Active Volcanoes Around The World

At one time, volcanic eruptions were thought to be a punishment from the Gods.
Nowadays, we know volcanic eruptions are a result of glowing hot magma being forced up from the mantle through vents in the earth’s crust. Of course, that doesn’t make their explosive effects any less devastating.
Here is a list of volcanoes most likely to erupt and wreak tragedy on surrounding communities and the environment at large:

1. Yellowstone Caldera, United States of America

The bubbling sulfuric hot springs and erupting geysers of Yellowstone national park have long attracted tourists from far and wide. The park is breathtakingly beautiful and awe inspiring. But underneath the beauty of Yellowstone lies a super-volcano that has the potential to wipe out the Western United States and alter the course of human history.
As the name suggests, super volcanoes are volcanic eruptions that are, well, big. Really big. In fact, super volcanoes are a phenomenon that has never been observed by mankind. The last supervolcano explosion we know of occurred 640,000 years ago in Yellowstone. The first known super volcano explosion 2.1 million years ago was an incredible 25,000 times larger than the 1980 eruption of Mt. St. Helens which killed 57 people and hurled volcanic ash around the world.
Unlike traditional volcanoes, super volcanoes don’t have a cone shaped mountain, instead they form what are known as calderas – the sunken areas that are left over from previous super volcano eruptions. Essentially, all of Yellowstone is a giant caldera, ready to blow and devastate humanity. Experts estimate that a Yellowstone eruption would kill 87,000 people immediately, while the clouds of ash and gas would enter the jet stream and have untold effects on the world’s food supply.

2. Mt. Vesuvius, Italy

Mount Vesuvius in Campagnia, Italy has a history of activity that makes it one of the world’s most dangerous volcanoes. It last erupted in 1944, but it usually has an eruption cycle of just 20 years. Moreover, 3 million people live relatively close to the crater, as it sits just 5 miles east of Naples. This makes it the most densely populated volcanic region in the entire world.
Mt. Vesuvius is the only volcano to have erupted on the European mainland within the last hundred years, and is probably most famous for its massive eruption in 79 AD, when it buried the cities of Herculaneum and Pompeii.

3. Popocatépetl, Mexico

Popocatépetl is a large, glacier covered peak that lies around 35 miles from Mexico City. Around 9 million people live within Popocatépetl’s blast radius, and it has erupted more than 20 times since 1519.
It last erupted in 2000. Thank fully, preventative evacuations of 41,000 people from surrounding towns prevented a major catastrophe.

4. Sakurajima, Japan


This composite volcano in Japan was once its own island, but lava flows in its 1914 eruption caused it to connect to the mainland. Many experts refer to it as the “Vesuvius of the east”, due to its high level of volcanic activity.
Every year, thousands of small explosions come from Sakurajima’s peak, throwing up ash over the surrounding areas. However, a major eruption could have deadly consequences for the 700,000 residents of Kagoshima, who live just miles from the Volcano. The city even has special volcano shelters where people can go to take cover from falling debris.

5. Galeras, Columbia


Located in Southern Columbia near the border with Ecuador, Galeras has been active for at least 1 million years. It erupts frequently, with its first recorded eruption dating back to 1580. More alarming is the fact that a city of 450,000 residents – the city of Pasto – lies on its eastern slope.
While it went dormant in 1978, it went active again in 1988 after just 10 years. When scientists held a Decade Volcano conference in 1993 to address the dangers of Galeras, an unexpected eruption occurred, killing 6 scientists and 3 tourists. Since 2000, it has erupted almost every year, spouting out ash and lava and causing tremors in the region.

Interesting health facts Worth Knowing About Watermelons

It’s summer and the heat is on. The rising mercury levels indicate arrival of summer. The seasonal fruit of summer is watermelon. Juicy pulp of this fruit cools body, quenches thirst and satiates taste buds. The main constituent (92%) of this fruit is water. But the remaining small portion of nutrients plays a big role in nourishing our body. Here are few health benefits of watermelon.
  • Watermelons are store houses of vitamins. These vitamins are very essential to maintain the health of body tissues. Organs like skin, Eyes, bones and brain are benefited when this fruit is consumed.

  • Researchers and scientists say that the water melon is a rich source of an amino acid called citrulline. Citrulline gets converted to arginine. Arginine is a precursor for nitric oxide which dilates blood vessels. Thus dilated blood vessels increase blood flow to injured tissues and hasten the healing process. This property also helps men who suffer from erectile dysfunction. Men who suffer from erectile dysfunction are benefited by regular consumption of this fruit.

  • The juicy melons are rich in potassium. Potassium helps to control blood pressure. As there is a link between erectile dysfunction and blood pressure, men are doubly benefited by use of this fruit. Thus watermelon can be best natural remedy for erectile dysfunction.

  • The rich dietary fiber content in this fruit help in relieving the constipation. The soluble fibers aid in reduction of blood cholesterol. A plateful of Watermelon chunks can be used as desert and as well as herbal remedy for constipation.

  • Antioxidants are another treasure which we can harness from this fruit. These antioxidants lend a hand in preventing cancer.

  • Watermelon reduces acidity and provides alkaline environment to body tissues.
Home remedies with watermelon
  • In summer drink a glass of watermelon juice daily with a dash of salt. This quenches thirsts, replenishes water and salts which we have lost through sweat. Thus maintains water electrolyte balance.

  • Eat a bowl full of watermelon pulp before break-fast and lunch. The fiber content of this fruit fills the stomach and satiates hunger signals. Thus the consumption of regular diet reduces and helps towards achieving weight loss.

  • Wash the face thoroughly with soap or face wash. Pat dry skin and apply watermelon juice evenly on skin. Wash it off after 20 minutes. The beneficial constituents of watermelon help to close skin pores, heal acne- pimples and repair skin which is damaged due to sunrays. The juice tightens the skin and makes it wrinkle free. Why can’t you try this beneficial herbal face pack often?

Fun Facts about Watermelon
• The first recorded watermelon harvest occurred nearly 5,000 years ago in Egypt.
• Over 1,200 varieties of watermelons are grown worldwide in 96 countries.
• In some Mediterranean countries, the taste of watermelon is paired with the salty taste of feta cheese.
• Watermelon is 92% water.
• Watermelon’s official name is Citrullus Lanatus of the botanical family Curcurbitaceae. It is cousins to cucumbers, pumpkins and squash.
• By weight, watermelon is the most-consumed melon in the U.S., followed by cantaloupe and honeydew.
• Early explorers used watermelons as canteens.
• The first cookbook published in the U.S. in 1796 contained a recipe for watermelon rind pickles.
• In 1990, Bill Carson of Arrington, TN grew the largest watermelon at 262 pounds that is still on the record books (1998 ed. Guinness Book of World Records).
• Watermelon has no fat or cholesterol and is an excellent source of vitamins A, B6 and C and contains fiber and potassium.
• There is new research to suggest that the lycopene in watermelon may actually protect us from sunburn and sun damage – who knew?
Some quick history from the Board:
Watermelon is thought to have originated in the Kalahari Desert of Africa. The first recorded watermelon harvest occurred nearly 5,000 years ago in Egypt and is depicted in Egyptian hieroglyphics on walls of their ancient buildings. Watermelons were often placed in the burial tombs of kings to nourish them in the afterlife.
From there, watermelons spread throughout countries along the Mediterranean Sea by way of merchant ships. By the 10th century, watermelon found its way to China, which is now the world’s number one producer of watermelons.
The 13th century found watermelon spread through the rest of Europe via the Moors.
Southern food historian, John Egerton, believes watermelon made its way to the United States with African slaves as he states in his book, “Southern Food.”
The United States currently ranks fourth in worldwide production of watermelon. Forty-four states grow watermelons with Florida, Texas, California, Georgia and Arizona consistently leading the country in production.
How to choose the best watermelon – from the Board:
They say it’s as easy as 1, 2, 3:
1. Look the watermelon over.
You are looking for a firm, symmetrical watermelon that is free from bruises, cuts or dents.
2. Lift it up.
The watermelon should be heavy for its size. Watermelon is 92% water, most of the weight is water.
3. Turn it over.
The underside of the watermelon should have a creamy yellow spot from where it sat on the ground and ripened in the sun.

Smoky Black Bean and Sweet Potato Chili

While a hot cup of beef chili smothered in cheddar cheese can be just the thing on a cold fall day, a good vegetarian chili can be equally as hearty and delicious – and a lot healthier. After seeing this tasty looking chili from Cookie and Kate a few months ago, I knew I had to come up with my own version. Several batches later, I have a recipe I truly love. Roasting the sweet potatoes separately and adding them to the chili at the last minute ensures that you’ll have sweet, crisp-on-the-outside-creamy-on-the-inside bites of sweet potato all throughout the bowl. Add to that the subtle smoky heat of chipotles and paprika, the creamy richness of sliced avocado, and the hearty bite of black beans, and you won’t even miss the beef!

Smoky Black Bean and Sweet Potato Chili

Serves 4-6
Ingredients
  • 2 c. dried black beans OR 3 cans black beans, rinsed and drained
  • 2 large sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into 1/2 inch cubes
  • 3 TBS olive oil, divided
  • 2 tsp paprika
  • salt
  • 2 dried chipotle chilies
  • 1 yellow onion, peeled and finely chopped
  • 4 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
  • 1 tsp dried oregano
  • 1 (14.5 oz) can of crushed tomatoes
  • 2 c. of vegetable or chicken stock (use veggie stock if you want it to be vegetarian!)
  • 2 bay leaves
  • 2-3 avocados, pitted, peeled, and sliced, for serving (you should have half an avocado per person)
  • sour cream, for serving
Preparation
  1. Prepare the beans: If using dried beans, rinse the beans thoroughly then place them in a bowl and cover with cold water at least 8 hours before serving time. Let soak until you begin to prepare the rest of the chili, then drain, rinse, and add to a large saucepan. Add clean water to the pan to cover the beans, bring to a boil, then simmer for 45 minutes to an hour, or until the beans are mostly tender (they’ll continue cooking in the chili). Drain and set aside. If you’re using canned beans, you can skip all this – just make sure to rinse the canned beans thoroughly before using!
  2. Preheat the oven to 425F. In a large bowl, toss together the cubed sweet potatoes, 2 TBS of the olive oil, the paprika, and 1 tsp salt, thoroughly coating all of the sweet potatoes with the oil and spices. Spread on a baking sheet in a single layer and roast for 35 minutes, turning potatoes over with a spatula halfway through to prevent burning. Set aside.
  3. Cut the stems off the dried chipotle chilies, slice in half, and use a spoon or butter knife to scrape out the seeds. Discard the seeds, and place the chilies in a heatproof bowl. Bring 1 cup of water to a boil, then pour over the chilies and let steep for 5 minutes, or until chilies have softened. Once the chilies have rehydrated, chop into small pieces. Save the water the chilies soaked in. (Careful – you should wear rubber gloves or otherwise protect your hands when handling chilies!)
  4. Heat the remaining 1 TBS of olive oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the chopped onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft and translucent, about 5 minutes. Add the minced garlic, oregano, diced chipotles, and 1/2 tsp salt, and let cook 1 minute longer. Then add the crushed tomatoes, soaking water from the chilies, the vegetable or chicken stock, the bay leaves, and the prepared beans. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer and cook, stirring occasionally, for 30-40 minutes, until most of the liquid has evaporated. Five minutes before the chili is done, stir in the sweet potatoes. Taste for seasoning and add salt as desired.
  5. Ladle the chili into bowls and top each serving with half of a diced avocado and a spoonful of sour cream. Serve hot.

10 Pulitzer Prize-Winning Photos And Their Stories

The Pulitzer Prize for Photography was established in 1942, and has been awarded to some of the most poignant and recognizable photos in recent history. Since 1967 it has been split into two categories: the prize for feature photography, and the prize for breaking news photography. Here are ten of the most remarkable photos, and the stories behind them:
10
American Soldiers Dragging Viet Cong
Kyoichi Sawada, 19 August 1966
This picture was taken in South Vietnam in the aftermath of the Battle of Long Tan. The Viet Cong were repelled after launching a night attack on Australian forces, and the Viet Cong soldier in the picture is one of the casualties. 
This photograph shows the indifference toward brutality that marks many of those who spend too long in a warzone. The publicity of the photo was a significant blow to Western pro-war sentiment and morale.
9
Serious Steps
Paul Vathis, 1962
President John F. Kennedy and former president Dwight D. Eisenhower are having a wintertime walk at Camp David in winter. Kennedy has just asked Eisenhower what he thinks of the botched Bay of Pigs Invasion. Vathis claims that immediately before the question, both men had been holding their heads high.
8
The Johnny Bright Incident
Don Ultang and John Robinson, 20 October 1951
Six photos were taken of the deliberate on-pitch assault on African-American Johnny Bright, a college football player for the Drake Bulldogs. 
While the referee chose to interpret several violent (and ultimately jaw-breaking) tackles as merely part of the game, these photos proved otherwise. The sequence of six photos show that the rival player did it deliberately. The motive is obvious and odious enough, but what is truly atrocious is the lack of response from the rival player’s university, Oklahoma A & M. The offending player was never punished in any way, despite the national attention the photos drew to the incident.
7
Fatal Hollywood Drama
Anthony Roberts, 1973
Roberts was walking through a Hollywood parking lot in the afternoon when he heard the screams of a woman. He found a man on top of her, attempting to subdue her with punches and slaps. Roberts was unarmed except for his camera, and so he shouted to the man that his picture had just been taken.
The man shouted back that he didn’t care—and continued to beat the woman as Roberts watched helplessly. This commotion finally brought a security guard, who told the man to stop—but when he continued wrestling with the woman, who was screaming for her life, the security guard leveled his pistol across the roof of a car and shot the man in the head, killing him. Roberts’ final photograph shows the instant before the guard pulled the trigger. 
6
Lone Jewish Woman
Oded Balilty, 1 February 2006
This photograph was taken in Amona, in Israel’s West Bank. Israel’s government considered Amona to be a camp of illegal settlers—whether Israeli citizens or not—and 10,000 policemen were ordered to forcibly remove its inhabitants. 
A single Jewish woman stands in angry defiance against an army of police officers dressed in full riot uniforms. They are attempting to shove her out of the way in order to set up demolition charges on the houses behind her. She was finally pushed over backward and nearly trampled as they passed. Balilty claims that the woman then grappled momentarily with some of the men before chasing after them, shouting curses in Hebrew.
5
The Shooting of James Meredith
Jack Thornell, 6 June 1966
James Meredith, a prominent civil rights activist, was leading a march when he was sprayed in his back with birdshot. The shooter was a man called Aubrey Norvell, who had reportedly shouted, “I just want James Meredith!”
Miraculously, none of the sixty-three birdshot pellets struck a vital organ or broke Meredith’s spine, even though the pattern wounded him from head to buttocks.
In the picture, Meredith is lying on the street in agony. He cried out, “Isn’t anyone going to help me?” No one did, but the photographer Thornell shouted that he should stay calm, and that an ambulance was on its way. Meredith was taken to a hospital where the pellets were extracted, and he healed well enough in two days to finish the march before it reached Jackson. Norvell pled guilty, and spent his time in prison regretting that he had not used buckshot.
4
Saigon Execution
Eddie Adams, 1968
This is one of the most infamous photographs ever taken. The photographer Eddie Adams would later regret being on the scene at the time, because his photograph would go on to destroy the lives of the gunman and his family. He is Nguyễn Ngọc Loan, a Major General in the South Vietnamese Army, and the National Chief of Police.
What you don’t see in the photograph is the reason Loan was executing the prisoner. That man is believed to be Nguyễn Văn Lém, a local Viet Cong officer who had been operating a gang of murderers bent on killing all the local police officers in that area of Saigon. He was responsible for arranging the drive-by shootings or hit-and-runs of dozens of policemen—and if they themselves could not be attacked, he targeted and murdered their families instead.
So when he was finally caught and brought before Loan, the Chief of Police calmly unholstered his revolver and shot Lém in the temple, killing him instantly. Adams had no idea what he was about to photograph. He claimed that this picture destroyed all American pro-war sentiment.
3
Ford Strikers Riot
Milton Brooks, 1941
In 1941, workers at the Ford Automobile Plant in Detroit, Michigan, went on strike. The workers wanted higher pay, but the plant had refused. A strikebreaker attempting to break up the crowd was beset on all sides by workers who beat him badly. He tried to protect himself by pulling his coat over his face.
Milton Brooks snapped the picture and then quickly hid his camera and ran away. He claimed that the strikers beat the man some more, and then shoved him away so that they could continue protesting.
2
The Soiling of Old Glory
Stanley Forman, 5 April 1976
The desegregation of buses in Boston, Massachusetts, was ordered in 1965—and by 1974, protests against this reform had become a severe and widespread problem. In 1976, Stanley Forman took a photograph that summed up the entire crisis: it shows the black lawyer and civil rights activist Theodore Landsmark being attacked by a white teen named Joseph Rakes, who has armed himself with—of all things—an American flag.
1
The Kiss of Life
Rocco Morabito, 1967

This photo shows two power linemen, Randall Champion and J. D. Thompson, at the top of a utility pole. They had been performing routine maintenance when Champion brushed one of the high voltage lines at the very top. These are the lines that can be heard “singing” with electricity. Over 4000 volts entered Champion’s body and instantly stopped his heart (an electric chair uses about 2000 volts).


His safety harness prevented a fall, and Thompson, who had been ascending below him, quickly reached him and performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. He was unable to perform CPR given the circumstances, but continued breathing into Champion’s lungs until he felt a slight pulse, then unbuckled his harness and descended with him on his shoulder. Thompson and another worker administered CPR on the ground, and Champion was moderately revived by the time paramedics arrived, eventually making a full recovery.

Pet Accessories That Will Make Your Pet Suicidal

Considering how much our society is supposed to love its pets, there’s a huge market for humiliating the poor “kittie-witties” and “poochie-woochies” that make up the animal version of high society. Their masters make mockeries of them with all kinds of bizarre pet accessories. The pets grimace and bear the shame—all the while clinging to the hope that their wolf or tiger relatives will heed the Call of the Wild, track down the smug little owner, and tear him into dog biscuit-sized chunks.
For the record: we’re not here to discuss pet clothing or Halloween costumes, like so many other lists out there. Our pets have to go through far more innovative humiliations than those costumes you’ve seen before; so here are ten of the most outrageous.
10
Giant Mustache Chew Toy
Dog Mustache
Dogs don’t do memes, in case you’ve forgotten. They do not care that old-fashioned mustaches are awesome. They don’t even know what a mustache is! And yet here we are, contributing to the rise in Puppy Therapy because we wanted—as the inevitable photo captions say—some “lulz”.
Look at this poor pup. Look at those sad red eyes, his head hung in defeated shame. He knows he looks absolutely ridiculous, and that Master is laughing and pointing at him—and he hates it. It wouldn’t take a devil in his head to persuade him to chew that thing up, and mix it into Master’s food so he chokes on the plastic. But alas—like most revenge fantasies, this will remain a mere fantasy.
Trust me—the dog would be fine with the chew-ball part of this thing. But the pointless, non-chewy extension that forms the ‘stache? It’s purely a failed attempt at irony, forced upon an animal who probably knows more about true irony than you do.
9
Duck-Bill Dog Muzzle
Duckbill Dog Muzzle
Some dogs need muzzles—I get that. You don’t want Buster tearing up shoes and pillows and young children every time you bend to tie your shoelaces—but training him properly sounds like an awful lot of work. So you just stick a Bane mask on the poor pooch, and go back to watching Honey Boo Boo Breaks Bad, or whatever the kids are into these days. This is completely understandable.
But at least Bane looks cool. What, pray tell, is the point of a duckbill muzzle? So you can glare at your dog and say “quack”? If your ultimate goal is to make your dog feel smarter than you, then mission accomplished.
And when you consider that the animal models for these things don’t look like they could tear apart a piece of paper—never mind the cushions of your Italian leather sofa—the whole thing looks even more like a case of Small Animal Bullying. Try this on a 200-pound Mastiff and let us know how it turns out. If you still have lips, that is.
8
Doggie Nail Polish
Doggie Nail Polish
If the world were just, the number of people who would want to paint their pets’ nails would be almost zero—and those who still harbored such a strange desire would possibly be confined to an asylum upon capture. Their days would be spent alternating between prettying up doggie toes, and constantly evading police manhunts.
But the world hates justice—so not only do many people still paint their dogs’ nails, but whole businesses are actually built around the idea! Yes: for a mere $81, you too can purchase up to 18 different colors with which to make your dog feel beautiful. Not that the relatively color-blind dog would know much about it.
7
Grinning Lips Dog Toy
Dog with Grinning Lips
If the idea of your dog sporting a Snidely Whiplash-style mustache is too cerebral for you, perhaps Funny Teeth are more up your alley. Much like in the case of the Mustache Chew, the dog chomps on a plastic ball, which is attached to something hilarious that makes the owner squeal with delight. The lucky pup probably hasn’t heard Master laugh like that since the last time CBS aired back-to-back reruns of2 Broke Girls.
And what’s so funny about Smile Teeth anyway? You know where else you’ll find a demonic grin like that? The Joker and his victims; a large chimpanzee about to tear you to shreds for invading his personal space; and Jack Nicholson in just about everything he’s done, ever. In short—unless you’ve trained yourself a vicious watchdog, and want to use this toy as a final warning to any would-be burglars—then you’ve just painted your dog as a psychopath for giggles. Just remember to keep an eye out for when he actually turns into one.
6
Doggie Pet Towel
Pet Towel
To an animal, a towel is a towel. So sticking a frog head on top won’t do anything but make it wonder why you’re suddenly laughing like a madman. 
This would be bad enough provided it were merely a froggie head, used only for comic relief while you clean your dog with the towel (as towels are designed to do). But no; it’s got froggie feet too, and you can lay it out on your pup whenever he’s trying to mind his own business.
And lest you fear this product is sexist: the website makes it extremely clear that this product is “perfect for boy and girl dogs.” Good; we wouldn’t want half of our pet population to be left out of feeling ashamed of their very existence.
5
Pet Tattoos
Dog Tattoo
No—not real ones. Putting actual ink and needle to a pet is blatant abuse, and not at all a joke.
Temporary tattoos, on the other hand, are just plain stupid. The designers clearly didn’t have pet interests in mind. If they did, they wouldn’t have designed anything at all; they’d have made their money elsewhere by doing things like designing little smiley faces to draw on customers’ cups at Starbucks. No—this is all about the owner bragging to their neighbors that their dog likes bunnies and possibly Batman. The bunny tattoo could be ideal to troll your dog with—especially if he’s trained to chase the damn things from your yard.
The best animal tattoo of all is definitely the Cross. If you’re so into Jesus that you even want your pet to spread the Gospel, then this is the perfect opportunity. Just don’t bother to stick this one on your cat. Cats are the devil, and a cross tattoo on a devil only works if you need something combustible to start a giant bonfire with.
4
Cat DJ Scratching Pad

Cat DJ
Don’t think by my last statement that I’ve neglected cats on this list; they’re just a lot harder to humiliate then dogs, mainly because cats don’t give the slightest batted eyelid what you think of them. But one company sure did try; you can now sit back and watch your beloved Sparkles scratch a record and wonder why everybody’s grinning at him so severely.
Obviously the joke—if you can call it that—requires your kitty to scratch nothing but the record. Problem: he’s a cat. Have you ever met a cat that only scratched what you wanted it to scratch? Of course not; such cats do not exist. Your cat would take one look at this thing, scratch it perhaps once, and then return to what it had been doing for years already: knocking things off your kitchen table. Never mind opposable thumbs; you’re lucky the cat doesn’t have an opposable middle finger. He would be using it all the time—especially if you tried to make him a DJ.
3
Rear Gear Butt Covers

Butt Covered Dog
You know the worst thing when it comes to owning a pet? They never wipe themselves after a toilet run. What do they think they are, a bunch of animals? And worse yet—if you try to wipe them yourselves, they’ll squirm and resist, and then run off and poop again anyway. 
What to do about this annoying act of nature? Butt covers—that’s what! For a mere five dollars, you can buy a pretty little flower to hang over your pet’s butthole, so nobody has to watch your dog bound across the beach with half-ejected grass-poo hanging from his disgustingly visible anus.
2
Escape-Preventing Dog Harness

Dog Harness
Nobody wants his pet to run away—but what if you own a small animal, and your fence has gaps in it? You could re-do the fence, but that would take precious time away from your busy schedule of making animals miserable. So instead, just slip this harness around your dog’s neck, and watch as a look of solemn gratitude slowly begins to dawn on his face.
It’s almost cartoonish in design: attach a long stick to your dog to prevent him from escaping. Of course—being a dog—he won’t get what’s going on and will keep trying to escape. And he’ll keep getting blocked. And then he will try and try again—constantly failing—while Master’s beer-guzzling buddies laugh harder and harder.
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Pet Peek

Pet Peek
Making your dog look and feel stupid is one thing—but is it really necessary to make him feel helpless too? That is an awful thing to do, so naturally people are doing it. The Pet Peek is the latest and greatest hare-brained method of teasing and tormenting your dog. Based on the idea that dogs like to look around, this little bubble window gets installed on your fence so that your dog can stick his head in and see things. Things that he then wants to touch, lick, sniff, pee on, and explore. But he can’t, now, can he? Of course not; all you’ve given him is the chance to look at things.
Meanwhile, anyone on the other side of the fence can see this poor dog’s frantic-looking head inside the bubble window. They’ll laugh, point, and exclaim—how cute the desperate animal is! How sweet; maybe they can knock on the window too, just to see what he does. Or maybe—just maybe—he’ll finally escape to exact his revenge on all who mocked him. Now that would warrant some lulz.